It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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