if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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