If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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