a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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