I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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