ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
