So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
