I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
