Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
