if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
