Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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