Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
