Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
