did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
