we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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