did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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