I'm lost and stupid without you.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
