his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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