what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
