What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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