Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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