she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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