i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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