I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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