I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
