he wants to bone in the snuggie
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
