I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I want a musical about memes.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
