So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
