That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
