Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
