And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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