Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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