you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
