i permit you to call me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
