The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
