I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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