I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
