We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she peed on how many people?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How does it feel to date your dad?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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