So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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