And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Randomize
