If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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