I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
