He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
