I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
