Barsexuality is the new black.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just high enough for therapy.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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