Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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