..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
