We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
