I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize