I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
