Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
