i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
